Damn Texas (Caitlin)

On Friday July 2nd, around midnight, Heather and I were dancing on the main floor of The Church when someone walked up and began talking to us. More like yelling at us I suppose, because neither of us could hear him, but he was trying. Heather and I looked at each other, giggling uncontrollably. We could hear the words “beautiful….dancing alone…” in between the pounding bass filling the room. He gestured towards himself, and then towards Heather, smiling at her. Then a voice from behind me explained that he was asking us if we’d like to dance. I turned around and was looking straight into the chest of a striped polo shirt. Once I looked up to a handsome smiling face, I couldn’t help but laugh.
I had just told Heather that I was done dancing with other people for the night. Especially since her previous partner hadn’t known the meaning of “No.” After slapping his hands repeatedly, he had finally left, along with the guy I was dancing with. The excitement of dancing with a stranger was certainly not worth the frustration of forcing him to respect her, so we had agreed to just dance together for the rest of the night. However, once these two walked up, we looked at each other and laughed. I couldn’t help myself, and neither could she.
Once we were finally able to talk on the patio, Heather and I learned Connor and Peter’s names, and the four of us hit it off immediately. Peter and I went on a few double dates with Heather and Connor before we started seeing each other without them. When we decided to date exclusively, we’d known each other less than a week. We felt ridiculous but I didn’t want to date anyone else and neither did he. However, knowing that he was headed to Texas for school while I was destined for Fort Collins forced us to agree that we would just be together for the summer… because dating in separate states is impractical.
Fast forward a month and a half and I am now finding that such an agreement is easier said than done. I’ve got a lump in my throat that relentlessly returns after every wave of emotion, but all I know in situations like this is writing, so here it all is on paper. Err… screen I guess.

A little over a month isn’t long to date much less know a person, but having spent as much time as possible with him, Peter has made quite the impact on my life. I’ve never met a more honest person. Peter had a wonderful way of telling me exactly what I didn’t want to, but needed to hear. And though we differed on some of my most core beliefs, we found ourselves to be freakishly similar: from the way we folded our clothes to our senses of humor. Peter quickly turned from an attractive boy at the club to a close friend… that I was absolutely crazy about.
As I mentioned, we certainly had our differences. We argued but talked our way though things. Peter made it easy to say exactly what was on my mind - even if I thought he might not like it. He respected my beliefs and opinions in a way I have never experienced.
The time we spent together was always a blast. We did something different just about every day and made our fun wherever we were. Because we knew our time was running low, all that mattered was that we were together. For our last week, he helped me move up to Fort Collins and stayed until he had to go back to Texas. It was fantastic. He instilled in me a new appreciation for country and electronic music as well as Sacha Baron Cohen. We went to a drive in movie, watched football, fighting, and baseball, hiked all of Horsetooth Mountain, and cooked our brains out every night. It didn’t matter what we did, I just enjoyed his company.
We wavered a few times during our time together about whether or not we wanted to try to stick it out during the school year. Neither of us wanted it to end, but our eventual conclusion was the same.
When we were saying our goodbyes, there really wasn’t much to say. We already knew everything that the other was feeling. It was terribly hard but it had to happen. When he finally did leave, I thought I was going to turn inside out. I had to sit down and just let myself feel it. I find that sometimes it’s the only way to deal with intense emotion.
I am sitting here writing this now expecting him to walk around the corner. He’s been up here the whole time I’ve had this place, so it’s weird without him. But I am realizing that the pain is only a compliment to him. I wouldn’t be so bothered by his leaving were he not so wonderful. Intelligence, humor, and a handsome face is an intense combination.
But in the end I know I will be okay. I am a happy girl with a wonderful life. I am fortunate to have known him. I don’t know what will happen to us, but at the least I am blessed to have him as a friend. In reality, I’m just throwing a fit because I’m not getting my way. I don’t need another person to be happy. I don’t need him. I just want him, and it sucks.




The two of us on Horsetooth Mountain

- Caitlin