Annoying Movie Theater People (Katie)

I went to the premier of Twilight Eclipse. Maybe it was the blogger inside saying “HEY! You’ll have a lot of annoying things to write about if you go”, or maybe I just really wanted to see it before my little sister. If it was my inner blogger, she was right. I have never been around a more annoying group of parents and kids. So I have now decided to make a list of 10 things you should not do at a theater unless you want people wishing death on you.

1. DO NOT scream when the lights dim, the movie starts, or when a hot guy steps on screen. It’s annoying. I can’t hear the movie and then I get pissed.

2. DO NOT get up and down 15 billion times before the movie starts to pee, get popcorn, walk around, go talk to a friend or anything else. Quite frankly I like my toes intact. Get your seats, save them, get your food and drink, sit down and STAY. Difficult? I think not.

3. DO NOT answer phone calls, text, or even look at the time on your phone. I hope I don’t have to explain why answering call is annoying. Now texting and checking the time doesn’t require you to talk BUT the light makes me want to punch you in the face.

4. DO NOT talk during the movie. I went to the karate kid and this dad and his kids talked through the whole thing. It’s so distracting. You may think your conversation is important but what you don’t know is the other 100 people in the theater want to all pitch in to buy Duct Tape.

5. DO NOT kick the back of people’s seats. This could possibly be worse than texting or talking. I had a little kid behind me once that kicked my seat mercilessly. I mean, from the time the lights dimmed until I started glaring at the parents this kid did not stop kicking. I get that kids don’t think about the people they’re kicking, but come on parents, PAY ATTENTION. If you hear a thump, thump, thump over and over and over again, maybe you should see if it’s your kid. If you’re an adult and you’re guilty of this…there are no words. Either way, when I feel someone kick my chair over 3 times I start wanting to come back there and kick them.

6. DO NOT laugh at everything. Now, there are those people that have a strange sense of humor or are just the only one that got the joke. This tends to happen at least once to a person in a movie. However, there is a time to stop laughing. For example, if you are a guy and you have been dragged to a chick flick, it’s not a good time to laugh when the really hot guy just died. Death, in general, is not a good point in the movie to laugh. It’s also a really bad time to laugh if you are in a sports movie and the really good player just tore his ACL, just saying.

7. DO NOT talk to the characters. We all know that the blonde girl in the mini skirt, high heels, and push up bra walking in the parking garage is going to die. Don’t scream at her to run. Just so we’re clear, IT’S A MOVIE. They cannot hear you no matter how loud you scream. The story has been set – it’s not changing. We all know that walking down the dark ally is a bad idea, but guess what? THEY’RE GOING TO WALK DOWN IT! How else do you expect them to kill off this character? In an unpredictable way? Come on, you know better than that.

8. DO NOT ignore your height. Hi, my name is Katie Kirk, I am 5 foot 2 inches on a good day. If you are taller than me and you sit directly in front of me, I’m going to get angry. Now, sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it but other times LOOK FOR AN EFFING SEAT IN THE BACK. Or, better yet, look behind you before you sit and make sure there is not an extremely short person behind you. As much as I would love to stare at the back of your head, I did buy tickets to see a movie.

9. DO NOT crowd people. If you walk in the theater and there are only 2 other people in the theater don’t sit right by them!!! Apparently more people than me have had this happen to them. When it happens to me I tend to say things like “GOD THE THEATER IS SOOOOO FULL”. It’s like when you walk into a bathroom, which stall do you take? Do you go into the one that is RIGHT next to someone? Or do you try to give that person and yourself some space? I hope you all answered that you would give them space. Same thing in the theater. I don’t care how good my seat is, you don’t sit right next to me.

10. DO NOT get to comfortable. If you just took your shoes off and set your feet up on my chair, several things just ran through my mind. 1) When was the last time you took a shower? 2) Did you mother never teach you to get your gross feet off the backs of people’s seats? 3) How many toes can I rip off your feet before you move them? 4) If I slam my head into your feet will I get a disease and will I jam your toes? 5) If I turn around and look at you will you even understand why I’m mad?

People are so stupid in theaters, but now you can be smart!

-Katie